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Thursday, 14 April 2016

Marriage Advice - How to Overcome a Loveless Marriage


Several women are at the end of the proverbial marriage rope and there seems to be no relationship left. They are so sad because their husbands seem to be always hostile or distant. They’re dying from lack of affection. Their marriages are loveless and they don’t know what to do.It’s a completely loveless marriage–they don’t communicate, there’s only anger and they feel trapped. So how do you survive a loveless marriage?

Do an evaluation on your interaction: It is important to do an evaluation on if love ever existed when you married him, and if your interaction was as bad as it currently appears. When you first got married, did he ignore you? Did he fail to show you any affection? Was he angry all the time? I highly doubt it, because few of us would marry someone who treated us this way.

During dating, its expected he talked to you, laughed with you. Hence, the interaction between you could have caused these negative cycles to develop and that has caused him to withdraw and become unloving and angry. These could be a history of treating each other badly, broken hearts due to unmet needs. Truth be told, it isn’t that he is bad, it is the way that you treated each other that’s bad.


Assess the challenge and change it: If the loveless marriage is a relationship issue and not a personality issue, then you have the power to do something about it. If the problems in your marriage are not because your husband doesn’t love you, but more because you’ve settled into this awful way of relating to each other, then you also have the power to do something about it. If the way that you treated each other caused you both to become entrenched into this way of seeing each other, then be committed to start acting differently and you will see things can also start changing as well.

Forgive and show him kindness: Two wrongs don’t make a right! In order to heal a loveless marriage, you need to first forgive your man and forget all offences. Show him kindness in order to break the cycle of negativity. Showing ‘tit for tat’ only worsens situations. It’s a gradual process that has a good result, as the novel title says, you need to “stoop to conquer” and be committed to do the right thing.

Start doing little things every day to be kind, this will reduce the tension in the marriage. Work on your friendship and work at trying to do things together as well. This can be a walk with him after dinner, or joining him in jogging or at the gym, or helping him pay the bills, or watching his favorite TV show with him.

Work on resolving the ‘Big’ things: Once you’re showing kindness and laughing more, you can start tackling the big things. Work on your sex life and try to throw yourself into it, if you have been neglecting it. Often when we women start to feel as if our husbands don’t love us, we withdraw sexually, which makes everything worse and which is also wrong, in and of itself. If you have no idea where to start, suggest to him that you try going several days having memorable sex. This will get you talking and laughing again, and that’s probably most of your challenge!

Although you both enter marriage needing essentially the same thing–you both want to feel cherished, connected and loved. The problem is that the way that you experience these things is very different. So you’re both looking for very different things from each other. And the longer you go without getting your needs met, the more a negative cycle is born.  Avoid this cycle, be committed to make your marriage work!